Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize