It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
