I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
