So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
