it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
