im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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