Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
This is my gift to your gina
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
