It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
