this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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