i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
