sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The Olympian is in my bed
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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