so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize