There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
