Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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