It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
