Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
