You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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