There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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