She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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