Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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