Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize