Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
