I love black thongs
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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