Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
