you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
