no, he came in my armpit
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
