Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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