I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
