Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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