the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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