Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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