i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
