You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
