so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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