They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
