i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
How external is "for external use only"?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
