I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
