i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
