You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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