During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize