Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
