my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
