In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Randomize
