Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he laminated a picture of his dick.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Randomize
