The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize