I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You brought string cheese to the strip club
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
