I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
