The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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