Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
