hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
