I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
