so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize