And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
