just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
