If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
