Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
