Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
