is your mom at the bar?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
